4 Strategies to Help You Stop the bad Habit of People-Pleasing.

Do you feel that you may have a problem with People-pleasing? Do you find yourself readily available to take on an additional task for others while also rarely asking for help from those whom you regularly assist?

People-pleasers think about other people’s needs more so than their own. People-pleasers worry about what others want, think, or need, and they spend plenty of their time doing those things for others and trying to fit into others' "good graces" while rarely doing the same things for themselves.

Constantly trying to please others is not only draining but is also a never-ending battle that can also cause you to feel anxious, unhappy, and tired. This is why People-pleasing is considered to be very toxic for your well-being regardless of how many people you feel like you have selflessly helped or inspired.

In many cultures, females are purposefully raised to be People-pleasers. Having to serve and consider other people's needs, wants, and desires within their household as well as community, while neglecting their own needs and desires. Because of this, many females have toxic People-pleasing characteristics to some extent. However, these people-pleasing characteristics are not isolated to just the female species. Males can also develop this toxic People-pleasing characteristic as well.

Here are "4 Strategies to Help You Stop the Bad Habit of People-Pleasing".

• Practice Saying "NO".

• Learn to "Recieve".

• Set "Boundaries".

• Focus on your Own "Happiness".

Practice Saying "NO".

People-pleasers a lot of the time feel obliged to assist, and don't always do things because they want to. A lot of People-pleasers have developed the habit of seeking validation through others by being readily available for those people even when it is not something that they really want to do or even if it would cause them some sort of suffering.

That is why starting with practicing how to say "No" is important. Begin by Saying "No" Often, Even when you want to or feel impelled to say "Yes", still say "No" First. To be able to hear the word be spoken out of your mouth.

Watch for the facial expressions of the person to whom you said "no". did they respect your no? did they become angry or distant? This will help you identify people who love and respect you and those who may be using you for personal gain.

You can even start by saying "No" Through text, email, or aloud when you are alone, then build your way up to harder situations where you have been wanting to or feel the need to say "No".

Sometimes People-pleasers feel that their worth depends on doing things for other people which makes them a target to be taken advantage of by others.

That is why it is important to say "No" regularly. It sends a message to your peers that you will not be taken advantage of and you are not a People-pleaser who they find easy to use as they may have before you started saying "no". Set this tone in new environments that you come into by sharing your opinions quickly and saying "no" unapologetically. This will deter "users" from trying to take advantage of you or seeing you as a People-pleaser.

Attempt to pause or take a breath before responding to someone’s request. You can even answer a request with, "I have to give that some thought first". "I’ll get back to you." or "Let me check my schedule and call you back".

Use any phrase along those lines that you feel comfortable using and that will give you time to check with yourself to see how you fully feel on the inside before you just automatically respond with "YES".

Learn to "Recieve".

People-pleasers often do not ask others for help themselves because they believe that if the person agrees, it would be out of obligation, not because they wanted to because if the person wanted to assist, then they would have offered without them having to ask.

However, this is not true. Most people only say "yes" to what they want to say "yes" to and only if they truly do not mind. If they did mind then they would have said "No". Which is the opposite of what People-pleasers do.

People-pleasers say "yes" even when they want to say "no". However, this is a toxic characteristic and does not represent the majority of mentally healthy people with healthy boundaries.

It is also okay to "Recieve" and "Ask" for things instead of always being the one giving. Because People who you do not mind helping should only be people who also don't mind helping you and the only way to find out if you are surrounded by those types of people is to "Recieve" and "Ask" for things.

I know this can be a tough one for someone who is struggling with being a people-pleaser who is used to giving more than receiving and it might even feel strange at first but you have to remind yourself that receiving is a very normal and healthy dynamic.

It allows for loved ones in your life to demonstrate their love for you or their lack thereof. This will not only help you to better understand the people who are around you but it will also allow you to surround yourself with people who care about you and weed out those who do not. While also helping yourself become a more well-balanced person.

Set "Boundaries".

People-pleasers never say what they think or request what they need. Yet they often find themselves spending time with people who don't mind voicing requests and who don’t consider the People-Pleaser's needs in any respect.

That is why setting firm Boundaries is very important in your journey of stopping the bad habit of People-Pleasing.

If a person is constantly unable to give and you find yourself always giving then you need to bring down the amount that you give to match what that person gives. This is a boundary to help you put an end to people-pleasing behavior.

Make a list of Hard "No's" For yourself and others and implement those boundaries.

For example:

• Vow to have your special alone time, for the pampering of yourself on Sunday Evenings from 4p to 7p, and do not let the request of another stop that for anything

• Vow to not spend over a certain amount on a particular person or thing within a given month or so. When you reach that amount make it clear to yourself and the person that you have reached that threshold and by no means give over that amount.

Make sure that you uphold your rules/boundaries firmly. So that other people will respect you and your boundaries and under no circumstances shall your boundaries be broken. Sometimes people will fake emergencies to weaken your boundaries and sadly during those times your boundaries and the word "no" is still very necessary to stop people from taking advantage of your People-pleasing and giving nature.

People who take advantage of people-pleasers are not always "bad people". Sometimes people just become accustomed to having someone always there and unknowingly or knowingly become accustomed to always asking you for things because you as a people-pleaser always say "yes" eager to please/help.

That is why setting firm boundaries is not only healthy for yourself but for others around you who may have become entitled and/or dependent upon your people-pleasing tendencies.

Focus on your Own "Happiness".

People-pleasers often attract their opposite, insensitive, selfish, unhappy, and demanding people whom they try their best to please even to their detriment.

When People-pleasers try to focus on themselves more they feel selfish, indulgent, and guilty. The insensitive, selfish, unhappy, and demanding people sometimes play a part in this "guilt trip" in order to continue getting what they want out of the people-pleaser. However, There is nothing wrong with focusing on yourself, your happiness, giving to yourself, loving yourself, and even being selfish in honor of self-love.

If it helps you and you only or just simply makes you happy. That is good! It is very okay and extremely healthy to do things like that for yourself often, might I add. People-Please yourself! Remember to check in with how you are feeling and what you are thinking. Express how you are feeling and your opinions to others often. Because you deserve the attention that you give others to be given to yourself by yourself and by others.

What makes you less deserving and others more deserving of the attention and service you give to others? Nothing, Nothing at all, You are very deserving, and you should come first and should be the first person you please and give to way before you even consider giving to others. Why? Because the more you put energy into giving to yourself will lessen the amount of people-pleasing you do for others while also making what you actually do for others more balancing and healthy in the amount you give.

Conclusion.

Many people-pleasers believe that no one will like them if they stop doing things for others.

If someone stops liking you because you don’t do what they ask, then that is an indicator that you were being used and exploited by that person or those people. and should not deal with them any longer or at least not without firm boundaries.

Discover what gives you pleasure and do more of that regardless of the feelings of others.

Spend money on yourself, save up for a boat, a new car, a new wardrobe, a new expensive hairstyle, or a trip to Hawaii instead of giving it to your always needy friend or more for your church even after you have already paid your monthly ties.

Once you stop being a People-pleaser you began to find more people who love you for who you are and not what they can receive from you. You are a special human being, Never be too hard on yourself. all it takes is one small step at a time!

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